Fake

I'm tired of being around fakeness. Fake smiles, fake laughs, fake social media. I'm incredibly guilty of it too. I'm tired of doing it. Well, I don't feel like my social media is actually that fake. I don't try to make things seem better than they really are. Trying to curate the perfect pictures all the time. Nobody's real anymore. I spend way too much time on fucking social media. Wasting my life. It inspires me sometimes, but honestly mostly makes me feel like I'm not good enough or not doing enough. I stare at screens the entire day. I'm doing it now.

When I started this blog, I started it with intention of making a self-help blog and that's pretty much gone out the window. Right now, I'm visualizing that romanticized girl or guy sitting in bathtub smoking cigarettes with some candles. Maybe reading. That sounds nice.

I know I need to find myself/work on myself. I crave being alone so badly. Even as I write this, I was sitting out back cross legged on the porch and my mom came back here with some randos trying to buy a fish tank or something. There's just noise everywhere. Always people talking. I feel like I want to just shut myself up in a quiet room and just think.

I don't have energy for anyone. I find myself doing anything I can to avoid people.

I keep trying to think about what I'm good at and what comes easy for me. Writing definitely does. Primarily journaling. I feel like I keep trying to be something I'm not, or maybe change who I am rather. I feel I have to censor myself though because people only want to read happy things. Again, not realistic. I always try to suppress the negative feelings I have because we're supposed to be happy all the time. Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative, but I got some shit to get out. I'm tired of not talking about it, because it might make people uncomfortable. That's what writers/artists do. It feels good to get this out. I just deleted my facebook and instagram off my phone. I guess I'm going to wrap this up because my neck is starting to hurt. Here's some pictures inspiring me at the moment. I'm definitely feeling a Jesse from Gilmore Girls kind of way right now.