7/17/19

I can't really think of a more creative title right now. I just got off work and I'm not going to let myself drink tonight. I haven't had a sober night in forever. This might be a weird thing to write about, but we're all different, and this is something that for some crazy reason I believe in and that's energy.

I feel it way more than I wish I did. Being around certain people makes me anxious and uncomfortable. Yesterday was crazy. I could definitely feel how the full moon was affecting people. Everyone was on edge including myself.

I'm at a point in my life now that I don't want to be around people that I feel have bad energy.

I'm currently watching this video and it's really resonating with how I've been feeling the last few days.

https://youtu.be/7g589hdraus

I had been feeling (even before I watched this) that now is the time to really start changing things for the positive. It's time to work on finding a new place to live. I no longer have anyone making me feel bad about my current life situation besides myself. That honestly feels way better when it's only you telling yourself to improve. When it's someone else, it just makes you feel like you're a fuck up.

I got some good news today, and I'm hoping my living situation is going to change within the next 2 months or so. I was so happy to hear this, because it really couldn't have come at a better time. It feels like everything is falling apart and I barely have a grasp on how to function these days. That's probably a bit dramatic, but I'm just probably the worst off I've ever been. I've never been the irresponsible one until now. The biggest thing I had to worry about was my anxiety. Which honestly hasn't affected me much lately. Having to move back in with my mom AGAIN really messed with me this time. It just made me feel like I'm never going to flourish.

I really think once I get out of here I'll feel more like myself again and like I can actually be an adult. I should just appreciate it while I have less responsibilities, but it's hard when I have that lingering pressure over me that I need to move out very soon. My family is going to be looking for houses next month.